The Adopted Person's Needs

As adopted persons mature into adulthood, and as their cognitive abilities develop, most will feel compelled to search for their roots.

This is usually not at all a rejection of the adoptive family. It is simply an individual coming to terms with their own unique identity of who they are in a more complete way, as they are aware that their racial makeup is different from that of the parents they love as well as most of those in their environment, and who may want to find out more about their ethnic origin, biological Thai mother (and maybe father), family roots, and how they can best fit into the world.

The adopted person, in wanting to find out about their biological parents, can be driven by curiosity, a quest for wholeness (part of their identity), closure, fantasy, or even anger towards biological or adoptive parents. The feelings and reasons vary from person to person, and from time to time.

The adopted person may want to know about any biological brothers and sisters they may have, too, and who they may develop a relationship with someday.

Sometimes, the threshold is reached for beginning the research about the biological parents after a particularly intense event. The urge can spike quickly at significant moments in their lives like birthdays, marriage, pregnancy, or illness (especially if genetically predisposed), or due to an intense social event, or just at certain stages of their development.

At this point, there are typically a lot of unknowns and many possibilities. There is only one way to stop imagining many possibilities, which is to make a decision to try to resolve the facts, and put issues to rest.

Secrecy and denial can be counterproductive in a relationship between adoptive parents and an adopted child, as trust and confidence can be eroded. It is usually best to be supportive and try to help, guide, and advise the adopted person -- honestly in a most careful way.

In many cases, the adopted individual must make a journey backwards before moving forward emotionally. However, it is good to have support from one or more people who listens and can understand the adoptee's issues and be there for them.

Because the adopted Thai person overseas is different from the mainstream race they grew up with, it is usually important for them to gain an understanding of their ethnic origins. They can take pride in their Thai origin, and should carry this as in a positive light rather than a negative darkness. This requires learning about Thai culture and history, or in the case of many adoptees, Khmer (Cambodian) or Lao (Laos) culture.

Coverage of the history of Siam is beyond the scope of this web page. Nonetheless, suffice it to say that we should give the adopted child a sense of pride in their origin and culture, based on the history of the Thailand.

A visit to Thailand is recommended. Thai people are known to be very hospitable relative to many other countries, and the country was nicknamed by foreigners "The Land of Smiles".

A visit to the orphanage can reassure the adopted person that they were loved before they even met their adoptive parents. Thai orphanages are exemplary to the world. Often, there were others in the extended family, community or hospital who cared for them when they could. In some cases, one or both of the biological parents tried to care for them.

Adoption is common in Thailand by Thai communities. It is remarkable how many Thais we know who have been raised by people other than their biological parents. The Thai government's civil servants, while quite proper, are also understandable, and rules are often bent according to circumstances. Thailand is not a strict country like many in the west. It is known for being polite and proper, but peaceful compromise is valued over contentiousness, and Thais are known for trying to create good situations for all.

Often the child wants to know why their parents gave them up for adoption, and we should come up with an answer as best we can, starting with tracing the biological parent(s) and finding out the situation. You can also explain to the child why you chose to adopt a child.

The most common cases occur with poor families and a difficult situation whereby the mother chooses to put their child into the care of a babies home. Details of circumstances vary, but include very young mothers who had an accidental pregnancy outside of marriage, such as while a student, and/or the father abandoned the mother, and/or the mother is far outside their community, e.g., migrant workers who simply do not have the family support, individual financial ability, or current lifestyle to support a child. Single mothers often need to work to survive and don't have the money or time to raise a child well. The biological mother may go through the formal process of relinquishing the child to the state, but in many cases the mother just leaves the child at the hospital, or simply with a caretaker and does not return, or in a public place.

Very often, the adult adoptee wishes to convey and reassure the biological mother that the adoptee could understand their hardships in life, and would like them to know that they had a loving adoptive family and thank them for the decision to place them into adoption.

Many adoptive parents have also thanked the biological parents for the child who they loved to raise.

Sometimes, the adoptee also wishes to seek out and thank the social workers who facilitated the adoption process. Visits to the various orphanages in Thailand, reveal remarkably loving environments. In Thailand, the orphanages are highly hospitable, like the Thai people.

Thai civil servants and social workers often go to exceptional efforts to do the right and best thing for a child, and this is often undocumented, to say the least. The official documentation usually states just the basics required to make the child officially available for adoption.

Thai culture is one of the most hospitable in the world, and many Thai people go to help at these places as volunteers, and donate things.

Any adoptee who visits Thailand should visit their orphanage as well as the regions of their biological parents.

This visit usually makes the adopted person feel more fortunate and grateful for the adoption process and loving adoptive family over time. In fact, this is the most common end result when the adoptive person comes and sees what their life would have been like if they weren't adopted, based on the current existence of their biological family. "Wow, I'm lucky to have grown up in the [UK/US/Europe/Australia/etc.] and to have parents like you!"

The adopted person, in learning things about Thai culture intensively and personally, can acquire a more multicultural outlook than many of their more parochial peers, which can be advantageous in dealing with the greater world at large, and in appreciating some of the meanings of life which may not cross the minds of others around them.

Many adoptive parents are careful to foster their child's connection to their ethnic roots, by learning themselves and teaching the child about Thai culture and history (including some of the differences between Thai and western culture), introducing the Buddhist way of thought (including comparing and contrasting it to more prevalent local religion(s)), and having Thai style things around the home.

The adoption tracing experience can fit into the big picture in different ways for different individuals. It can be a part of the identity of the adopted person, small or large. In any case, it answers questions and can put issues to rest, instead of wondering "what if" or "what about" and all the possibilities that can come to mind without knowing the facts.

In many cases, it can lead to a relationship with one or both biological parents, siblings, extended family, and/or a Thai community, and a connectedness with Thailand and Thai culture to some extent.

> Why trace? > Adopted Thai Childs Needs

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