The Adoptive Parents' Needs

Third on the list, after the needs of the adopted child and the needs of the biological mother, come the needs of the adoptive parents.

The adoptive parents normally want to do what is best for their child, foremost. The adoptive parents may seek the analysis, opinion, and guidance of experts having experience with a wide variety of adoption tracing cases.

Sometimes, it is just good to have somebody who you can ask questions, and who can give expert answers. (Especially in native English!)

In any case, you are dealing with issues of high importance for your child.

If your child hasn't already asked about their biological parents, almost surely they will someday ask. It is best to be prepared with some answers.

If you know the facts, then you are better able to guide your child in the best way. Otherwise, without knowing the facts, you may be taking a risk by taking steps together into the unknown. It is better if you have the wisdom of the known already.

Usually, the sooner you do the tracing, the better, because the child can start asking soon after they are old enough to understand that you are their adoptive parents and not their biological parents. Also, the longer you wait, the colder the trail may become to the biological parents.

Sometimes, adoptive parents just want to get a better lock onto the identities of what may be elusive biological parents, so that if their child wants to find them later, they will be much easier to find. However, in most cases, the adoptive parents want to find out detailed information about the biological parents, the reasons why the biological parents could not take care of your child, any genetic diseases which may run in the family, and other things (we have a list of things which adoptive parents and adoptees have asked us to find out). Many adoptive parents want to engage in communications over time with the biological parent(s) /siblings / extended Thai family so that you have a good understanding of their current situation and outlook(s) towards your child.

This lets you know in advance the answers your child will eventually get, so you can steer your child in their quest for discovery. Whether you want to encourage or discourage your child in exploring particular issues, and how you handle particular topics, may depend on the facts and information you find out in advance.

There are a wide range of outcomes of adoption tracing.

In the worst case scenario, where the biological parents are untraceable (e.g., a child abandoned with no names of parents, and we were unable to find out about the parents), at least you can report to your child that you already did your very best to find their biological parents. (However, you may be surprised at how we can find some of these biological parents, or find out about them.)

In most cases, we can find the biological parents, so you may have answers to questions posed by your child, and will have had enough time to think about and prepare your best responses.

Also, when we get photos of the biological parent(s), any siblings, the extended family, and their environment, these can mean a whole lot to a child. A picture can be worth a thousand words.

It is usually better to have answers than to be challenged with the responsibility of dealing with the unknown, a wide variety of possibilities, and the imagination run amook of a child. Having the facts and getting a grip on the reality can be the first step in preparing the best responses for your child and managing the outcome psychologically.

It is good to participate in groups of adoptive parents, of which there are many on the internet and in various countries. You are also welcome to ask us questions and seek our opinion and guidance.

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